How to Discover Your Sexual Self

We are surrounded by explicit sexual images in our popular culture. It appears that we are a very sexual society; having sex more frequently, casually and younger than ever before. Most of us however, have not been given the education and guidelines to really examine our sexuality and understand what it is all about. Sex is usually perceived as an act we do with someone else rather than an essential part of who we are as an individual.

In reality, our sexuality originates deep within us. How we exhibit, talk about, and experience our sexuality holds the clues to where we are in our sexual development.

There are multiple layers to an individuals’ sexuality. These layers are made up of different degrees of healthy and imbalanced sexual aspects originating from upbringing, sexual education and relationship history. These sexual aspects can motivate us to have sex as an intimate fulfilling communion, an ego boost, an escape, self destruction, or a combination. Our internal sexual state and beliefs inform us of what attracts us and dictates our outward behavior.

Through our sexual behavior, we can see where we are at in our sexual evolution. By observing how willing we are to be naked, how we feel about our body, how we share intimacy and our ability to be vulnerable in a loving relationship’ we can determine what areas need nurturing. Sexual experiences will reveal our greatest pleasures as well as our deepest relationship wounds and traumas. Therefore sexuality has the potential to be a great healing as well as a pleasure filled experience.

What most of us don’t realize is that ones sexuality is the same whether we are in a relationship or not. We may believe that if we are not in a relationship that our sexuality is a non-issue. This is not the case. Even though we may become more aware of our sexuality by connecting with an intimate partner, our sexual health and inhibitions are present even when we are alone.

There are very empowering ways to discover the sexual self with your own practice. One simple way to start, is to focus the breath in the “sexual palace” area, this is the area just above and below the pubic bone. Breathe in and out expanding the sexual palace on the breath in and relaxing the area on the breath out. Draw your full awareness to your sexuality. By breathing in this way for 10 to 15 minutes one can connect with important emotional and physical sexual feelings.

The more awareness we have, the more we can nurture the healthier aspects of our sexuality. We can also create the space for addressing and bringing balance and growth to the more challenging areas of our personal intimacy. The purpose of discovering who we are sexually is to be able to experience more fullness and happiness with our sexuality and greater intimacy in relationships.

Sexually Stimulating Herbs

Herbs have been used in all cultures around the world to stimulate sexual arousal, physical sexual feelings and sexual abilities. In the modern world herbs are increasingly more used both to increase the sexual pleasure and as medicine to help for sexual dysfunctions. The herbs are used both in their original form or the working substances are extracted and used as ingredients in tinctures, ointments or pills.


The working principles of the chemical components in these herbs are of several kinds, and the ingredients make their effects at different places in the human body.

- Some herbal ingredients stimulate generally the function of the neural system. Since sexual response and feelings are dependent of a well working neural system, the herbs will also increase the sexual response.

- Other herbal ingredients generally improve the body’s blood circulation. The better blood flow and the better control of the blood flow will then make the genital organs work better and engorge better upon sexual stimulation. Better engorgement will stimulate the feeling bodies at the nerve endings in the sexual organs and thus give stronger physical feelings.

- There are components in some herbs that stimulate tissue growth and regeneration. Such components can make structures in the sexual organs grow stronger and more capable to do their work.

- Some herbal ingredients stimulate directly centres in the central nervous system that play an important role in the sexual response, and thus increase the psychological arousal. A higher psychological arousal will cause signals to be sent to the sexual organs so that they will engorge more strongly and produce more sexual secretions.

- Still other herbal components stimulate the feeling bodies in the genital organs directly, and will thereby give stronger physical feelings. The stimulation of the feeling bodies will also make the central nervous system send signals back to the sexual organs and make them work more efficient.

- Some herbal ingredients will stimulate the production of sexual hormones or other hormones important for the sexual functions, or they will normalize a disturbed hormonal system.


Here are some important sexually stimulating herbs presented. Many of the herbs stimulate the human organism at several points and thus have more than one type of effect. Where not otherwise indicated, both men and women will feel the stimulating effect.

- Bayberry: The fruits increase blood flow and capillary dilation in the mucus membranes of the vagina, and thus stimulate vaginal lubrication.

- Catuaba: Catuaba is a South American bush. It has long been used as an aphrodisiac by Indians, and is the most important sexually stimulating plant used in South America nowadays. Catuaba generally stimulates the central nervous system, and especially the functions controlling sexual response.

- Cayenne (Cayenne pepper, Spanish pepper): From the fruit one gets a well known spice with a very strong taste. The spice stimulates tissue growth and regeneration. This will make the sexual organs stronger and more efficient. Cayenne also makes the digestion and intestinal functions more effective and promotes heart functions.

- Coffee or tea stimulates the central nervous system to a higher activity and thereby also the sexual arousal. Taking a cup of coffee before sexual activity is often a good idea.

- Cuscuta: The seeds of cuscuta stimulate and normalizes the part of the nervous system that controls the sexual organs. This effect helps control premature ejaculation, helps control urination and vitalizes the functions of the sexual organs. It also has a general stimulating effect upon the nervous system.

- Damiana: Damiana is a small Mexican shrub, of which the leaves are used for medical purposes. Damiana stimulates the function of the sympathetic nerves controlling the sexual organs, the urinary system, the digestive organs and the respiratory organs. The herb thus strengthens all the functions of the sexual organs and urinary system. The herbs have many of the same effects as the female hormone progesterone, and therefore the herb works especially effective for women.

- Ginseng: There are many species of the herb ginseng, growing both in East Asia and Northern America. Ginseng stimulates neural functions and bodily activities. Ginseng stimulates and normalizes the blood flow in the brain and sexual organs. Ginseng also stimulates nerve growth, blood production and sperm production. This stimulation will in turn give a general rejuvenating effect, stronger arousal, better genital functions and stronger physical feelings.

- Hawthorn: Hawthorn is a tree growing in all temperate zones of the world. The fruits are used. Hawthorn stimulates heart functions and blood flow, and helps to reduce atherosclerotic plaque in blood vessels. This general positive effect upon blood circulation will in turn improve sexual functions as for example female engorgement and male erection.

- Horny goat weed (Epidemium): This is an East Asian herb. The whole plant except the root is used in herbal preparations. This herb stimulates the sensorial bodies in the sexual organs, giving stronger genital feelings. It also increases sperm production, giving better fertility. It further stimulates sexual desire by acting upon the central nervous system. The herb also increases the general activity of the nervous system and thereby the general vitality.

- Johimbe; Johimbe is a tall and evergreen tree growing in tropical areas of Africa. The bark stimulates the blood flow in the genitals and therefore helps against erection problems. However, in higher doses the drug can cause hypertension, digestive problems and manic reactions.

- Maca; This South American herb stimulates sexual desire and drive.

- Muira Pauma: Muria Puama is a Brazilian shrub, known as “Potency Wood”. Extracts of the bark is used. Muira Puama stimulates sexual desire and libido, and thereby increases potency.

- Suma: Suma root stimulates and normalizes the hormone production of the whole body, both the production of systemic hormones and local hormones. The improved hormonal system will then improve mental and physical sexual functions.

- Peppermint: Leaves of the peppermint plant stimulate the secretion of lubricating substances in the genital system. This facilitates the sexual act and protects the sexual organ against injury.

On the market you can find pills, tinctures or teas made of one or more of these herbs. What herbs or herbal product you should choose, depend on your purpose. The purposes are generally of 6 kinds:

- Increased libido or sexual desire.

- Increased feelings in the genital region.

- Better erection or sexual performance.

- Better lubrication.

- Increased strength or size of the genitals.

- Increased fertility.